Of general interest

Pain Lasers and Love Lasers

In graduate school, I became an expert on lasers, devices that produce intense beams of exceptionally pure light. So, it's only natural that I sometimes use lasers as metaphors for…

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When NVC “Doesn’t Work”

“NVC doesn’t work. No matter what I say, people still won’t behave the way I want them to.” I imagine that words like these might spring from a deep longing…

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Avoiding the Judgment Trap

Recently, someone said to me, "I hear that when people really get into NVC they become judgmental about other people's language." Unfortunately, this concern reflects a trap that students of…

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Restorative Families Network

Restorative Circles (RC) are often thought of as a system for addressing conflict in large institutions, such as the criminal justice system, or in schools. Yet, I am coming to…

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NVC Consciousness

Our way of being -- the intentions, attitudes, and quality of the energy that we bring to an interaction -- is more important than the particular words we choose to…

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Notes from Arizona

I just returned from my fourth week-long retreat with Robert Gonzales, who I regard as a pioneer in illuminating the spiritual underpinnings of NVC. I experienced the latest retreat as…

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Suffering is Optional

"Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional." The accuracy of this truism with ancient roots depends on how one defines "suffering." I find it useful to think of "suffering" as…

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Aspirations and Invitations

The standard recipe for the "four components" of NVC is Observation-Feeling-Need-Request (OFNR). Today I'd like to invite you to try on a variation on this: Observation-Feeling-Aspiration-Invitation (OFAI). This isn't intended…

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