Why can’t people just live peacefully with each other? “It’s human nature, so it’s inevitable” is NOT the answer. Human beings have a wide range of behaviors, which nature prepares us to be able to engage in. Humans can be…
In graduate school, I became an expert on lasers, devices that produce intense beams of exceptionally pure light. So, it’s only natural that I sometimes use lasers as metaphors for how our minds work. I find the metaphor useful in…
“NVC doesn’t work. No matter what I say, people still won’t behave the way I want them to.” I imagine that words like these might spring from a deep longing for more satisfying relationships, and a wish for the power…
Recently, someone said to me, “I hear that when people really get into NVC they become judgmental about other people’s language.” Unfortunately, this concern reflects a trap that students of NVC do often fall into. When we realize how satisfying…
Restorative Circles (RC) are often thought of as a system for addressing conflict in large institutions, such as the criminal justice system, or in schools. Yet, I am coming to appreciate the value of RC in more small-scale contexts, such…
NVC suggests that we be aware of, and focus our communication on, four components: Observation, Feeling, Need, and Request (or OFNR). Likely you know that. But do you know why these are the four components, what the function of each…
Our way of being — the intentions, attitudes, and quality of the energy that we bring to an interaction — is more important than the particular words we choose to speak. The heart of Nonviolent Communication is not about speaking…
I just returned from my fourth week-long retreat with Robert Gonzales, who I regard as a pioneer in illuminating the spiritual underpinnings of NVC. I experienced the latest retreat as rich in learning and personal growth. Here, I’d like to…
“Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.” The accuracy of this truism with ancient roots depends on how one defines “suffering.” I find it useful to think of “suffering” as meaning “the distress that flows from from my attitude toward…